Thursday, March 16, 2006


Prayer Request

Ok, first off, I know I know....I am a really inconsistent blogger, and I know for some of you, this is really getting annoying because you are more faithful than I am in this whole procedure. Thankyou so much for all of your prayers and cards and kind thoughts.

One of the reasons why I guess I haven't been writing is that things have been going really well. I've been accepted to do my Masters of Arts in Counselling Psychology, and everything is falling into place as far as that is concerned.

I do though have one prayer request that I'd appreciate your prayers Mind to Heart Christian Toastmasters Group is on the verge of closure, if we don't get at least 8 new members by April 30. Now I realize that the Lord loves to shower abundant blessings on His children and our executive have been really concerned about this, it's not the frist time, yet we've managed to keep this club going, but lately I've felt very burdened to pray to keep it going. We're losing a few key people in the next little while and we're even going to dip into the kitty to help keep some people like myself part of the club for a little while longer, even though I won't be there. Normally, the renewel price is $50.00 for 6 months, but where I'm going, I was going to not bother, but they decided to make a deal, and keep me on the roster, if I pay $25.00. It's the least I can do.

Guys, I really don't want this club to close and I really don't believe that God wants it to close either. Last year we won top honours and were really a witness to other clubs in this area. We had a conference in June, and other non-Christian clubs were like "How do you guys do it, let us in on the secret of your success", and each one of us that were there really just told them, it's not us, God has done it all...he's blessed us all, it's not us. It's really not about making top honours, it's really about seeing each other grow.

Oh God, please, I want your will in this situation. You are my helper, my counsellor and my guide. I'm so sorry for those times when I didn't do my all for this club. Lord, I humbly come to you know ask you to put your mightyful hand on this club, help lift us out of a position of defeat into a position of victory. Lord, you have changed so many of us from this club. God I cry out to you know to save our club, help us to do whatever needs to be done for this club so that many others will be blessed by it.

God, take care of our past and present members. Thank you for each person has been part of the club. Thank you so much for blessing my life and making it richer by having the opportunity to meet such wonderful people.

Please God, work your way into this situation. We anxiously await to see you working in this dire situation,

In Jesus' name,


Saturday, February 18, 2006


What is the Cure for Lonliness?

Hi Guys,
Thank you all for being so patient with me. I realize I haven't updated this blog for over a month now and some dear friends of mine have been trying to get me to do so now for ahile. Things have been going pretty good lately. I've decided to go on to do my Masters of Counselling at a university some 35000km away, which is scary but exciting and I've really been feeling God work in my life. I can really feel His presence and love.

Right now though the big thing that I've been having to deal with is this thing called lonliness that almost seems to take a life of its own. Like tonight, I got jelous at the fact that a group of people in the computer lab were going out. It's stupid, I know. It's like this monster that you try to hide but has a life of its own. Lately I've been feeling totally out of every group, that I have had no real connection with every group I belong to. Have you ever felt this way, like you're sort of out of loops with the entire world? It's a strange feeling, like you're in your own little world, and just want meaningful connection. Not just a hi or how are you but a deep meaningful conversation where information is shared and you feel as though you've shared a part of yourself with someone. I guess lately I've been feeling that no one wants to hear.

For instance, take my Bible study that I just joined last week at the Pastor's house. I feel really blessed to be part of such a group, but at times I think my eagerness to just blurt out stuff from within makes me sound totally needy and I feel as though the Pastor still doesn't really see me for who I am. I really do want to contribute healthfully to this group, but I feel like I have so much to say that I'm contributing too much, which I think some of the people in the group are surprised. It's really ackward. I still really out of the group, especially with the young adult stuff going on at the church. I wish this could be an opportunity to help, but right now I just outside.

And then of course there's residence where I really don't feel like I fit in either. I mean, people will say hi or whatever, but I haven't really made any new connections at all. I am so fed up and tired with superficial crap in communication and relationships. I'm tired of just passing through and just smiling. I guess I'm in deeper need of just realy conversation. And I know God knows I need more too, and He has blessed me but I guess I just need more.

It's funny, because the highlight of my week had to have been when a lady in my church came and said hi to me at Zeller's yesterday. It was just beautiful. She and her husband sat down at their table, and then she came over to mine, and I just basically shared with her how God was blessing me. It's not that she said really anything amazing, it was just her presence. I felt so honoured and blessed to just share some time with her.

I'm beginning to think more and more that I am not fit to live in the society in which I live. People today are really just getting more and more time crunched. I, on the other hand am beginning to see that I am not chronalistic. You know how in other cultures, time really isn't important at all. I first discovered this last year in Organizational Com, and again just last weekend a missionary came to our church and shared how in Kenya, a person coming to visit at 1pm could be awaiting lunch from you or supper! Time means little to these people.

Alone, and needing to communicate!

Monday, January 09, 2006



I got it, I got it, I got it! I can't believe something so simple could be so well hidden! This is really unbelievable! This is my first day of intensive week and I'm taking a class called Conflict Management. I had taken it two years ago, but at the time had just too much emotional baggage and while attempting to help a friend along, pulled me down in the process. Mind you, I had still passed the course but only with a D+, and felt compelled just before Christmas break to take it, not really knowing why but knew that there was something up, so I obeyed and took it.

So here I go along today in class. There's only a handful of Communication students, the vast majority were business majors who I barely even recognized! Anyways, so the day goes along quite quickly, even though much of it is a review, especially in the beginning when we first discuss what is conflict, etc.

Anyways, just before lunch our Prof introduces us to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, this psychological assessment which characterizes people into 16 different "types" but puts people in 4 larger social style categories. Now I know this may be boring to some of you, but basically there are four different types. There's the Analytics who are very logical, introverted, loyal, highly productive, thorough, ask lots of questions, resistent to change, uncommunicative, etc. Then there are the Amiables who are also introverted but are also patient, trustworthy, warm, oversensitive, yes-men, value people rather than things, etc. Then there are Drivers who love to talk, take charge, make things happen, forceful, pushy, impatient, critical, loves challenges, etc. Finally there are the expressives who are excitable, fun, funny, engaging, superficial, impatient, etc.

So we go to lunch, and then come back and start evaluating the scores. We then discuss our reactions to the quiz in class, and the Prof reports the findings, etc. No big deal. Then we proceed onto how our culture and gender affect our view of conflict, again no big moments.

As a last activity though before the day ends Colleen (our Prof) moves us into groups and asks us to come up with two suggestions for each type of person on how to handle conflict better. She asks us to count off by four to make groups. Anyways, I land into this group with two Analytics and an Expressive. Now this is where it gets interesting. We answer her questions, and as a larger class start discussing more about the groups, and this is where I got my brainwave!!!

The reason for all of the chaos and confusion about the debate tournament was that I was the swan in a bunch of ducks!!!! No wonder I thought the tournament was such a disaster; I was seeing it through the eyes of an Amiable-not an Expressive...Amiables aren't supposed to like Debate!!!!!!! Amiables avoid conflict at all cost!!!!! 99.9% of debators are Drivers, the complete opposite of Amiables!!!!! So by their standards the tournament was a raving success!!!!! That also explains why my friends who are Analytics and Drivers saw nothing wrong with the tournament!!!!!

And to think I never clued into this before? This is hilarious...what an eye opener!

Friday, December 30, 2005


Just a quick post

Hi Everyone! Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

Sorry I haven't posted in so long...'twas the season for papers and exams, then when I arrived at my Grandmothers, I expected to connect to the internet through wireless, but it's been harder than I expected, so this is the first time that I've connected in a while.

Just wanted to let you all know that things are going well.

Take Care Everyone.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005


A Specific Prayer Request

Wow! I've just figured something out...I've been getting more and more scared about going home for the Christmas break. It's always been sort of like this dreaded fear that my parents will start talking to me about the stuff I've been going through, and I've always felt like this hopeless wreck.

Anyways, I went to see Chronicles are Narnia the other day, and there is this battle scene...can't fully explain it with words, you'll just have to see the movie...anyways, I just got this aha moment where I feel that my entire life, even after I became a Christian and have Almighty Power on my side. Satan has been using these hurts for too long!

So I have been thinking and praying about this for a few hours tonight...I feel like I'm entering this battle again, but this time it has to be on my turf...and I have this really strong burden from The Holy Spirit that I need my parents to come to My Church and instead of me fighting with them with mere words...I need the Spirit on My side and have no words used. I can't quite explain it.

Let me add another factor in this mix. Krissie and Shelley, this will totally intrigue you, but after the movie Kristina and Holly and I went out to coffee with the Styles. Gasp! I know. Anyways, lots of stuff was let out, including my opionions about this church. Now through in the mix that people who've gotten to get to know me somewhat from being on rez and in my classes have noticed that I have sort of been "negative" to my church...

Ok, so now that I've gotten off on a bunny trail enough, let me pull my conclusions together. All of this "stuff" that has been coming my way...everything...well I know what it's coming to this massive healing revolution at My Church come Christmas. I don't know how or what methods will conspire, but I really feel this must happen. This IS THE PURPOSE for me being here in Moncton these last four years...

This probably makes absolutely no sense...but I do know one thing...I am absolutely positive that God has brought you people in my life for a reason. This blogging gift has really been the best thing tool ever really given me and I just want to thank each and every of you for being my friend, my support, but most importantly my angels :)

Monday, December 12, 2005


The Healing Process Continues

I realize I just posted about an hour ago, but I really feel the need to share this process and I get so embarrassed that it's hard for me to do it on this through this blog let alone sharing it among great friends, so I'm going to do it through prayer.

Dear Jesus,
I thank you so much that you omnicient, omnipotent, and omnipresent. You alone are with me all the time. I praise You and only You for You are my all in all. Only in You am I filled. Only in You am I able to be healed. You are my healer, and my protector. Only in You am I given protection from hurtful memories and people. I am sorry Lord for those times that I haven't made You my Lord, my Shield and My everything. I'm sorry Lord that I have hurt those people I have loved with my actions, and I'm sorry Lord for those people who may never be able to love me again (my step-mom). Lord, I'm sorry for making food my priority over You. I'm sorry Lord for it being a stronghold over my life. Lord, I ask you right now to take any hurtful memories and the shame and the guilt that has just been dumped in my life through me sharing pictures with my podmate. I really hate the feeling of shame over how I have taken advantage of my body and have not cared for it like I should.

Dear Jesus, I ask that you right now help me heal my body physically, and emotionally. God, I want to surender all of the gunk in my life that doesn't belong there. I ask that you heal me and strengthen me so that I can be more and do more for you. Lord, I thank you that you allow us to have pain so that we can spot it and dig up it and all the weeds. God, I thank you that you have just given me the vision of digging up old weeds, the faster I can spot the hurt, the deeper the digging can go, and the more weeds can be taken out.

God, I thank you that tonight I had the chance to be vulnerable and speak with my podmate. I thank you that I could share some pictures and some deep hurts tonight because I know that You are working though many of my hurts and I know that You have better things planned for me yet. God, please continue healing me tonight as I rest in You.




A Politically Correct Christmas?

Hi there, I received this blurb today in class. Thought you'd all like to read it...

A Politically Correct Night Before Christmas
‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck. How to live in a world that’s politically correct? His workers no longer would answer to Elves, Vertically Challenged they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the North Pole, were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear that Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, were replaced with four pigs, and you know that looked stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh; the ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops when they heard sled noises on their rooftops. Second-hand smoke form his pipe had his workers quite frightened.

His fur trimmed red suit was called Unenlightened. And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose, and had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, who suddenly said she’d enough of this life, joined a self-help group, packed and left in a whiz, demanding from now on her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he’d never had such a notion, that making a choice could cause so much commotion. Nothing of leather, nothing of fur; which meant nothing for him and nothing for her. Nothing that might be construed to pollute.

Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or just for the boys. Nothing that claimed to be genders specific, nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets-they were bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden. For they raided the hackles of those psychological who claimed the only good gift was one ecological. No baseball, no football-someone could get hurt; besides, playing sports exposed kids to dirt. Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé; and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, perplexed; He just couldn’t figure out what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, but you’ve got to be careful with that word today. His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground; nothing fully acceptable was to be found.

Something special was needed; a gift that he might give to all without angering the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision. Each group of people, every religion; every ethnicity, every hue, everyone, everywhere, even you. So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth. May you and your loved one enjoy His peace on earth.

Thursday, December 08, 2005


A Nighttime Prayer

Dear Jesus, in the stillness of this ending day, I just want to spend some with you. Thankyou so much for today and for all the special miracles you've given. Thank you for this time of year when we are able to show to others what You really mean to us. Help us long and desire that gift even moreso now with Your day fastly approaching.

Good night to all! Bless you!


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